if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
soo... how was my night?
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