your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
