dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
