Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
