Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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