you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
