Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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