My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize