I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
