We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
