i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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