He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Screwed.edu
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
