My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
