maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
