another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
