is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Man, jail baloney is awful.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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