Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
