Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
