Barsexuality is the new black.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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