I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
