Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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