Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
