just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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