If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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