Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
