help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
