she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
being pregnant is like rehab
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
