Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
zippers are such a cool invention
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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