So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
