I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
