jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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