you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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