I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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