dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
