my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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