I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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