Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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