I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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