How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
