Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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