And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
