Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
