Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
