I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
