I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
