okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
