i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
