I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Everything about him screamed your future.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
