im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
