When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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