So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
