She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
