I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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