I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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