What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
