You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
