I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
