I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
