the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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