Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
