textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dick very happy bro
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize