"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
