I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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