Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
