That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
