I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
