we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
