it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
