Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize