i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
