everyone is single if you try hard enough
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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