i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
