I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
