dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
