you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
