I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
