Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
