so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
