He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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