Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
