i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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