Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
