please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
