____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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