Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
