You're my little dorito
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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