i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
