we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
