But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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