Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize