I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize