You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
