Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
