I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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