I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
