he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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