You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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