if i can run in heels then i can drive
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
