i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
