we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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