I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize