Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
