we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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