It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
