At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
