Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
